LOVE & PROBLEM GAMBLING

by Marlene Warner, Executive Director,

The Massachusetts Council on Compulsive Gambling

As we consider one of America’s biggest “Hallmark” holidays, I was going to write to you about love and how important it is to do so.  I was going to write to you to say that love is what gets people to drop stigma and increase wellness with regard to problem gambling.  And I was going to discuss with you how love allows people to work in this field.

But then, as is typical for me, I got sideswiped by a thought this weekend when I attended my church services and the minister showed a You Tube video clip of the comedian Dave Chappelle talking with Dr. Maya Angelou, a famous sage, poet and voice of our day, on the Iconoclast show.  In this very brief clip, she stated “Courage, you have to have courage to love somebody, because you risk everything… everything.”

Well truer words have never been stated when you consider addiction.  This is never easy for ANYONE involved.  And it is raw, difficult and as Maya Angelou expressed so eloquently, takes a whole lot of courage because frankly you put everything on the line.  When you open yourself, and your love, up to someone who is vulnerable or scared or in capable of giving back, you give a very special type of love. 

I think of that every time I talk with a family member who “can’t believe he went back out again” or a person struggling who walks into the office and blames all that is wrong with his or her life on someone else, or even the professionals who laugh off some of the ideas and considerations of their clients discussing their thoughts on winning and losing during their gambling streaks. 

Talking, dissecting, refuting, understanding and just approaching these topics takes love.  It takes patience, maturity, security, confidence, and these all come from love.  It takes one adult loving another unconditionally and with no expectations in return.

Love is really at the root of my work.  And the work of everyone else that decides to be upfront and personal with people who are in the heart of their addiction.  I recently purchased a sign for my office that says “Do one thing everyday that scares you”—what would be more effective and helpful is if it said, “Do one thing everyday that scares you; love someone when no one else is willing”  That my friends take a lot of courage and shows the ultimate form of love.

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